Double negative (2)

Whenever you use a double negative or multiple negative, you risk confusing your reader. Here’s an extreme example:

On October 20, Arsène Wenger (pictured), manager of the Arsenal Football Club (UK), commented on whether Jack Wilshere, a club player, was ready to start for the national team. Reuters said that Mr. Wenger said:

“If you asked me the reverse question, is he not ready to start for England, then it would be difficult to not say no.” (I added the boldface.)

Critique of the example

That sentence contains four negatives and the word difficult. That’s a lot for the reader to sort out.*

But that’s only the first layer of the confusion. If you’re interested in reading about additional layers, read “Difficulty over not saying no on not being ready,” by linguistics scholar Geoffrey K. Pullum.**

The Takeaway: Although they do have legitimate uses, double negatives and multiple negatives often confuse readers. Generally avoid them.

See disclaimer.

*Mr. Wenger is French. Out of courtesy, I usually don’t critique non-native speakers of English. I made an exception in Mr. Wenger’s case because he is fluent and because he may have used the multiple negative deliberately, as a media-relations tactic (see the comments on Mr. Pullum’s article).

**Unlike most academics, Mr. Pullum can write clearly and entertainingly. He is delightful.

Clear out the verbal clutter (3) – a 64-percent reduction

You should always clear out verbal clutter, because verbal clutter confuses and irritates your readers. It is the main reason why people stop reading something you have written. If you become good at clearing out clutter, you will hold readers’ attention longer.

An Example of Verbal Clutter

Clearing out verbal clutter takes less time than most people think. But it does require some patience. The best way is to proceed methodically and slowly. Here’s an example:

I saw a wordy article about how to clear a jam in a paper shredder. The article was loaded with redundancies, circumlocutions, unnecessary information, and excessive ornamentation.* I thought it would provide an instructive example.

The original article is 528 words long. I proceeded word by word and phrase by phrase, at a slow-to-moderate pace. After 15 minutes, in one pass, I had cut the length of the text by 64 percent, to 191 words.**

My Rewrite, Clearing Out the Verbal Clutter

Even if you own a high-quality shredder, and you oil and maintain it regularly, eventually you will have to clear a jam. Jams are usually easy to clear, provided you follow these steps.

Unplug the shredder and let it cool.

Plug it in and press the “reverse” button for a few seconds; the shredder may eject the jammed paper. (Don’t hold the button for longer than a few seconds; you could burn out the motor.)

If the paper does not eject, pull out the plug and use a pair of tweezers to try to gently remove the jammed paper. (Be careful: metal objects can damage the shredder blades.)

If you can’t remove the jammed paper, soak it with oil. Allow the oil to saturate the paper for about 15 minutes. Then repeat the two previous steps.

If you are still unsuccessful, refer to your owner’s manual or call for professional help.

To prevent jams, regularly oil the shredder blades, put the machine in reverse for about 15 seconds, and feed it a few sheets of paper to absorb excess oil. Remember to keep oil handy, for maintenance and for clearing jams.

The Takeaway: To hold readers’ attention, clear out the verbal clutter.

See disclaimer.

*Here’s an example of excessive ornamentation: adding “on your hands” to “you might have a more serious problem.” Now, there is nothing inherently wrong with this ornament, and I do not intend to hamper the author’s style; however, ornaments should be used in moderation. In instructional text, ornamentation should be minimal or nonexistent – especially in a case like this one, in which the length is triple what it should be.

**A reduction this large is not unusual. Wordy writers always use at least twice as many words as they need; therefore a capable editor can always cut at least 50 percent on the first pass, without even working hard.

Politicians are poor role models for writers (2) – Robert M. Gates

If you want to write clearly, accurately and honestly, don’t imitate politicians. They are poor role models for writers.

For example, on September 29, 2010, U.S. Secretary of Defense Robert M. Gates (pictured) delivered a lecture at Duke University. During the lecture he twice referred to the oath sworn by U.S. soldiers, sailors and marines:

“...the relationship between those in uniform and the wider society they have sworn to protect.”

...

“…a cadre of military leaders that politically, culturally, and geographically have less and less in common with the people they have sworn to defend.”

But those people have not sworn to protect “the wider society” or to defend “the people.” They have sworn to

“support and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

Mr. Gates’s supervisor, U.S. President Barack Obama, made the same mistake when he spoke in Oslo on December 10, 2009:

“…as a head of state sworn to protect and defend my nation…”

But Mr. Obama is not sworn to “protect and defend [his] nation.” He is sworn to

“preserve, protect and defend the Constitution of the United States.”

The Takeaway: Don’t imitate politicians. They are poor role models for writers. With few exceptions, politicians are incapable of using words clearly, accurately and honestly.

See disclaimer.

A fine simile

Here’s a fine simile from James Delingpole, a literate newsman who writes for the Telegraph (UK). Mr. Delingpole uses the simile to open his October 21 blog post:

“And so it begins. With all the shamelessness of a Goldman Sachser trading in his middle-aged wife for a hot, pouting twentysomething called Ivanka, the green movement is ditching ‘Climate Change.’ The newer, younger, sexier model’s name? Biodiversity.”

The Takeaway: A well-crafted simile or metaphor can help you clarify your point.

See disclaimer.

Get to the point

Clear writing helps you make your point, but only if you get to the point before your readers flee or fall asleep.

In your first paragraph, don’t lower your credibility with puerile language, grammar errors, or poor sentence construction.

Then, try not to use too many words before you get to the point.

Example

For example, “Cassandra” wrote a 796-word article about how to stop executives from implementing dumb communication ideas. She spent 406 words, more than half the article, describing the problem and teasing her readers with claims that her solution was magic and powerful.

Finally, at word 407, she got to her point, with “Here’s how to do it: Start by…”

I wondered how many readers were still paying attention. (I was; but of course I was not seeking content, but evaluating the article as a “how not to write” example.)

The Takeaway: If you have a point to make, make it early in the copy. Get to the point before your readers flee or fall asleep.

See disclaimer.