Clear out the verbal clutter

Verbal clutter confuses and irritates your readers. It is the main reason why people stop reading something you have written. If you become skillful at clearing out clutter, you will attract more readers and hold their attention longer.

Below I show you the title and first three paragraphs of a February 11 blog post about social media metrics. This example is loaded with three types of clutter: unnecessary information, redundancies and circumlocutions. In the example, I have color-coded the clutter: unnecessary, redundant and circumlocutory.

An Example of Verbal Clutter

“I hate to say this but PR people just don’t get metrics

“Well, that’s what I thought before I joined a PR firm and yes, I admit that I was wrong. My analytics background stems from managing multimillion dollar search campaigns; where one tenth of a percentage point made a difference in the performance of a campaign. Every dollar invested was tracked, measured and easily backed by a strong ROI. Transitioning into social media several years ago has brought an entirely new set of metrics to the table that I am still learning to this day.

“In the past, I have always reported into some sort of web marketing organization and due to the nature of my job, I have worked closely with internal PR teams on various projects. To be completely honest, I’ve always had this particular perception that PR metrics were soft. Although I never said anything out loud, I would consistently chuckle under my breath when I saw something like the following on a “what we are measuring” slide:

* Media Coverage
* Sentiment
* Impressions

“And now a new chapter emerges in my career and I find myself working for a PR firm, Edelman Digital. From a metrics perspective, I honestly thought that I would bring to the table significant metrics experience due to my “direct marketing” background. Boy was I wrong. I am probably the dumbest person in the room when it comes to measuring social media. I am surrounded by colleagues that not only understand metrics but are pristine in the way they can communicate those metrics to others and correlate them back to business value. I guess the key takeaways for me are – assuming is bad (very bad), stereotyping is bad (very bad) and I work for a pretty kick a$$ team and learn something new every day (yay for me).”

My Rewrite, Reducing the Verbal Clutter

I hate to say this but PR people just don’t get metrics

At least, that’s what I had thought before I joined a PR firm. Previously, I had managed multimillion-dollar search campaigns, where one tenth of a percentage point made a difference in performance. Every dollar invested was tracked and measured.

I had worked with internal PR teams and had thought PR metrics were soft. I would chuckle when I saw something like the following on a “what we are measuring” slide:

* Media Coverage
* Sentiment
* Impressions

Now I work for a PR firm: Edelman Digital. I thought I would bring to the table significant metrics experience from my “direct marketing” background. Boy was I wrong. I am probably the dumbest person in the room when it comes to measuring social media. I am surrounded by colleagues who not only understand metrics but communicate them to others and correlate them to business value. The takeaways for me are: assuming is bad; stereotyping is bad; I work for a pretty kick a$$ team and learn something new every day.

Original: 308 words
My Rewrite: 180 words
Reduction: 42 percent

The Takeaway: To attract readers and hold their attention longer, clear out the verbal clutter.