"Comprised of" – an editorial

Whenever he sees the phrase “comprised of,” Bryan Henderson corrects it. He has corrected it 47,000 times. Read the story here.

I call Mr. Henderson a hero.

I also point out that if US high schools still taught Latin, people would not confuse comprise and compose.

The Takeaway:  If you are a well-educated person, give something back to society: good English. Always use correct diction and grammar, and refuse to imitate the diction and grammar of semiliterates.

See disclaimer.

More pet peeves from Montreal Gazette readers

As promised, the Montreal Gazette published more pet peeves from its readers. Like the last batch of pet peeves, this batch is worth reading.

I call special attention to reader Paul Nathanson, who pointed out that, by our promiscuous abuse of community, we are ruining the word.

The Takeaway: Enjoy the article.

See disclaimer.

Subjunctive vs. indicative

It’s true that some usages of the subjunctive mood are gradually disappearing. But that does not mean we should drop all usages; some are required for clarity. Consider the three examples below; each contains an indicative noun (shown in red type) that should have been a subjunctive:

Example

To maintain all previous Google ranking data for the domain, it is advisable that a buyer grabs the domain before it is “dropped”. (Source)

Analysis

After he reads “it is advisable that,” the reader expects to see a subjunctive. When he sees the indicative “grabs,” he probably guesses the meaning of the sentence anyway and recognizes that the writer does not know enough grammar to use the subjunctive “grab” here.

Example

We hereby ask that gun licensing laws are reviewed with immediate effect to allow designated people in the Jewish communities and institutions to own weapons for the essential protection of their communities, as well as receiving the necessary training to protect their members from potential terror attacks.” (Source)

Analysis

After he reads “we hereby ask,” the reader expects to see a subjunctive. When he sees the indicative “are reviewed,” he probably guesses the meaning of the sentence anyway and recognizes that the writer does not know enough grammar to use the subjunctive “be reviewed” here.

Example

Now, I think it is important that sex is consensual. (Source)

Analysis

After he reads “it is important that,” the reader expects to see either an indicative or a subjunctive, depending on the writer’s meaning. When he sees the indicative “is,” he assumes it is correct. That is, he assumes the writer means that it is a good thing that sex is always consensual.

But then the reader thinks, “Wait, I know sex is not always consensual; that’s why we have laws against rape. Why doesn’t this writer know that?” Then he rereads the sentence and recognizes that the writer meant that sex always should be consensual but did not know enough grammar to have used the subjunctive “be” here.

The Takeaway: If you habitually use the indicative where the logic of the sentence calls for the subjunctive, intelligent readers will recognize that you did not learn all your grammar. And in some cases, as in the third example above, your reader may become confused and irritated. If you did not learn the subjunctive mood, study it now.

See disclaimer.

Bits and pieces (3)

Today we present examples of errors that can make you sound ill-educated.

Misuse of prepositions

“This is the first and most important component to problem solving.” (Source)

The natural preposition here is of: “This is the first and most important component of problem solving.”

“In total, you see about twice the number of four-year students (~11 million) than two-year (~6.5 million).” (Source)

The natural preposition here is as: “In total, you see about twice the number of four-year students (~11 million) as two-year (~6.5 million).”

Use of fun as an adjective

“East Coast Grill in Cambridge - very fun place with great seafood/bbq.” (Source)

An educated grown-up would use entertaining, enjoyable, stimulating, or the like. Even rollicking. But not fun.

Non-parallel use of not only… but also

“He’s not only funny, but also he’s intelligent.” (Source)

The correlative conjunction not only… but also must be used in a parallel construction. In the example above, it is not. One correct alternative would be “He’s not only funny but also intelligent.” For additional correct alternatives, see this page in Grammarly Handbook.

The Takeaway: Whenever you are writing something for publication – even if it’s “just” a blog – present yourself as a well-educated grown-up. Have an experienced editor read your copy; that’s what well-educated grown-ups do.

See disclaimer.

Beyond narcissism

In the last post, I showed you three examples of narcissistic writing and explained how narcissism can make a writer or public speaker look foolish.

In this post, I show you an article that goes beyond narcissism and into solipsism. It may or may not be a parody; nowadays, it’s hard to tell.

The first thing the typical reader notices is that the author, while writing about providing consulting services to businesses, sounds like a giddy child. She sounds bedazzled by the world of business, and she seems to have only a superficial awareness of how businesspeople think, speak and act.

The second thing the reader notices is that the author doesn’t realize that her typical reader would be familiar with common business expressions such “word of mouth” and “referrals,” and would know that these are long-established expressions* as opposed to hip new fads that they need to be introduced to. The author did not need to say:

… what people call “word of mouth” and “referrals.”

Nor did she need to say:

…what we call inbound marketing.**

By this point, the typical reader suspects that, metaphorically, the author just fell off the turnip truck. She seems to be new to business. There’s nothing wrong with that; we were all novices once. What is cringeworthy is the author’s lack of empathy; she seems to assume that her readers are as callow as she is.

In the next three paragraphs, she keeps the reader cringing:

In this process of speaking with startups and established companies over the past year and 8 months I have come to realize that there should be a profession that is specific to startup consulting. Why not call it what it really is. 

Startup consulting helps startups understand what they need to do to grow: Startups have problems. Startups have ideas. Startups need to define their market positioning. Startups need help.

Myself and all the other Inbound Marketing Specialists at HubSpot should really call themselves Startup Consultants. Every company was once a startup. Aspects of even established companies have startupy parts of them. (Boldface and italics in original.)

The author seems to think she has created startup consulting. To avoid embarrassing herself, all she need have done is take five seconds to Google the phrase “startup consulting.” (I just tried it and got 24,600,000 hits.)

In fact, I know several people who, for 30 years or more, have been consultants to startups. (By the way, I would be shocked if any of those consultants used the word “startupy,” or any other such puerile word – except ironically.)

In general, the author’s logic is unsound; e.g., she speaks of “aspects” that “have parts” and says “Talk with the company about their vision for what they want to solve for.” Her grammar, diction, punctuation and capitalization are careless. However, this post is already long, so I don’t have the space to provide more detail here.

The Takeaway: The author sounds like she has acquired astronomically too much self-esteem. She seems to be completely unaware how childish her writing sounds. If you are a novice and want to avoid a similar fate, do this: Before you write for publication, or speak in public, or become a consultant, first fill in any large gaps in your logic, grammar, diction, punctuation and capitalization. It won’t take more than 300 hours; i.e., it will take a lot less time than the average American adult spends watching television in 12 weeks.*** But it does demand attention, humility and empathy. Do this and you will look and sound a lot more experienced.
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*For example, “word of mouth” has been in use since 1553.

**If the author had simply glanced at her employer’s home page, she would have seen the phrase “Inbound Marketing & Sales Software” and could have gathered that her employer assumes that visitors to its website already know what inbound marketing is.

***The average is more than 33 hours per week (source). My math: 33 hours per week times 12 weeks = 396 hours.

See disclaimer.

How to write a sentence (parody)

In case you missed it. The New Yorker (may require subscription) ran a wonderful parody of an instructional article about writing a sentence. Here’s a sample:

Why sentences? Well, that question answers itself, really. Look at it: “Why sentences?” There’s something missing, isn’t there? I’ll tell you: yes. What’s missing is the rest of the words. And it’s shoddy. It’s shoddy and lazy. It’s shoddy and lazy and frustrating, sticking out there like a bad piece of junk. I’m disappointed on both our behalves.

The Takeaway: Have fun finding the errors in the parody. To read an example of an inadvertent self-parody (also on the topic of writing), go here.

See disclaimer.

Another business boss who judges people by their grammar

Earlier this month, we discussed a Wall Street Journal article on grammar in the workplace. And in 2012, we discussed Kyle Wiens, a CEO who will not hire anyone whose grammar is weak. Now here’s another businessperson who respects good grammar: entrepreneur Cheryl Conner. In an article she wrote for Forbes, Ms. Conner says,

“Actually, I do tolerate poor grammar; I just don’t do it willingly. I have never fired an employee for poor grammar or hired for grammar and writing alone (although like Kyle, I now screen language ability heavily in anybody who walks through our door.) I’ve never corrected anybody in public or in front of a client. But I cringe inside on a daily basis when I edit the same mistakes in the same kinds of writing again and again.” (Italics in original.)

Notice that Ms. Conner is polite and considerate; she does not correct her employees in public or in front of clients. But notice also that she (1) privately corrects her employees’ grammar, while editing their work; (2) cringes at incorrect grammar; (3) uses grammar as a standard while screening new employees. In other words, she does judge people by their grammar.

The Takeaway: Not everyone judges you by your grammar. However, the smart people do, and aren’t those the people whose judgement you most care about?

See disclaimer.

In case you missed it: grammar in the workplace

I’ve said this before, but it’s worth repeating: If you believe that nobody cares about grammar anymore, please take a look at this article in The Wall Street Journal: “This Embarrasses You and I.” Here’s a brief excerpt:

“Managers are fighting an epidemic of grammar gaffes in the workplace. Many of them attribute slipping skills to the informality of email, texting and Twitter where slang and shortcuts are common. Such looseness with language can create bad impressions with clients, ruin marketing materials and cause communications errors, many managers say.”

The article touches on errors such as grammatical hypercorrection in personal pronouns (an example of which is the intentionally incorrect “you and I” in the title of the article); inappropriate informality; and violation of subject-verb agreement.

The Takeaway: Read the article and see if you are habitually making errors that detract from your professionalism. Good grammar can help give you an edge.

See disclaimer.

Don’t worry about big, conspicuous errors

Do you worry that someday you’ll make a big, conspicuous error and embarrass yourself publicly?

Stop worrying about that.

If you write a lot, you almost certainly will make such an error someday, but you shouldn’t feel too embarrassed when it happens. You see, if you have made a habit of clear writing, your loyal readers will chuckle at, and immediately forgive you for, the occasional big error.*

If you must worry about something, worry about leaving a residue of small errors in every paragraph, bogging down your reader. Most readers do not forgive that.

A recent article, “Arne Duncan vs. Oklahoma,” illustrates what I mean. Here are the first four paragraphs of the article (minus the links), with my comments:

“In yet another stunning example of his lack of knowledge about life outside the elitist Washington bubble, [United States Secretary of Education] Arne Duncan came out swinging at Oklahoma governor Mary Fallin during a press conference yesterday (6/9) for signing the bill (HB3399) to end the Common Core State Standards initiative in Oklahoma.”

The phrase “came out swinging” is ambiguous: What exactly did Mr. Duncan say or do?

“Apparently, pure politics caused the governor (current Chair of the National Governor’s Association, who along with the Council of Chief School Officers propelled a set of education standards into national lexicon) to abandon Common Core for her state.  Apparently the thousands of parents who wrote letters, sent emails and called Governor Fallin’s office urging her to sign HB3399 during the interim between passage (5/23) and signing (6/5), have been downgraded to political widgets in a game of chicken between a state and the federal government.”

The reader has to read quite a lot of this paragraph before he recognizes that the author is being ironic.

“It’s interesting how quickly the anti-Common Core forces, once vilified as ‘conspiracy theorists’, ‘fearmongers’ and ‘liars’ have become vindicated since – and by Duncan’s own hand no less.  Duncan’s latest temper tantrum can’t help but make it readily apparent to even the passing skeptic that there must be something to the legions of arguments connecting Common Core and federal overreach into public education.”

The reader wonders how these “anti-Common Core forces” are related to “the thousands of parents who wrote letters…”

“Truly, no one (including the Fordham Institute or Bill Gates) has been able to effectively mount an argument supporting the stake the U.S. Department of Education has in Oklahoma’s education standards. Really, what does Arne Duncan care what standards Oklahoma uses to educate its children? What difference can it mean to Duncan?”

It is difficult for the reader to infer a connection between the first sentence and the second and third sentences. My guess is that the author is trying to say, “The U.S. Department of Education has no stake in Oklahoma’s education standards, so Mr. Duncan should mind his own business and stop threatening Governor Fallin.”

The rest of the article is similarly confusing. In almost every paragraph, something impedes the reader: an awkward sentence, an overloaded sentence, an ambiguous verb, a confusing transition, a misplaced modifier.

The Takeaway: Put your energy into making every paragraph readable and clear. Your reader will notice and appreciate it. If you leave a residue of small errors in paragraph after paragraph, your reader will tire of slogging through it. He may even vow never to read another piece with your name on it.

See disclaimer.

_____________
*I relate this personal example in all modesty: Decades ago I was a PR man for Honeywell. One day, while I was visiting with the editor of a trade magazine, I noticed a Honeywell press release posted on a bulletin board. Looking more closely, I recognized it as a release in which I had made a grammar error – in the headline! I groaned. The editor smiled, shook his head, and said, “We see errors like this every day. This one was worth posting because it was from you.”

The subjunctive mood (2)

The subjunctive mood is slowly disappearing; you seldom need to use it. But seldom is not never; there are situations in which you must use the subjunctive. So, you need to know what those situations are. Stay with me; it’s not difficult.

Overview of the major moods

“There are three major moods in English: (1) the indicative mood is used to make factual statements or pose questions, (2) the imperative mood to express a request or command, and (3) the (rarely used) subjunctive mood to show a wish, doubt, or anything else contrary to fact.” (Source)

Examples (all are song titles from famous musical comedies)

Indicative:  “A Secretary Is Not a Toy."

Imperative:  “Get Me to the Church on Time.”

Subjunctive:  “If I Were a Rich Man."

The Takeaway: If you use the indicative where you should have used the subjunctive, your readers or listeners will normally guess what you meant to say. However, the well-educated people among your readers or listeners will think you are ill-educated. Therefore, to avoid losing credibility, you must learn when to use the subjunctive. If, following my advice, you have been reading good writing aloud for at least ten minutes a day, eventually you will learn the subjunctive automatically, by unconscious imitation. If you want faster results, study the examples here and here.

See disclaimer.

Avoiding shifts that impede your readers

In four previous posts, we have discussed the common mistake of unnecessarily changing from one grammatical person to another. For example, an executive of a publishing house said:

“It was not a book where a whole house [third person] runs out and pushes like crazy, and you [second person] have to have success right away, because you [second person] spent all this money.” (See post.)

This unnecessary change, or shift, confuses and impedes the reader.

There are also other kinds of shifts. Towson University, as part of its Online Writing Support, includes a very helpful page on seven kinds of shifts: shifts in tense, voice, mood, person, number, discourse and sentence construction. The page includes illustrative examples of each.

Nice work, Towson.

The Takeaway: When you have a chance, read the whole page. From time to time, review it.

See disclaimer.

Grammar errors in the Times – an editorial

Only a few decades ago, The New York Times could produce a near-perfect newspaper every day. No longer, unfortunately. Let me illustrate with a brief personal anecdote:

During the mid-1970s, I supervised an editing staff at Honeywell. In our downtime, my editors and I often looked for grammar errors in the newspapers. Whenever one of us spotted an error in the Times, we stared at it in disbelief. Then I clipped it out and dropped the clip into a file folder labeled “Errors in NYT.”

Years later, when I was tidying up my office before leaving for a new job within Honeywell, I noticed that the “Errors in NYT” folder contained only four clips.

Nowadays, you could probably spot four errors every day. In fact, I recently spotted six errors in a single paragraph of a Times blog. Here’s the paragraph:

“Girls enter school with a lead on boys, and schools then fail to close the gaps. Instead, they increase. The behavioral advantage that girls have over boys in kindergarten, based on teachers’ assessments of their students, are even larger in fifth grade.” (Source)

Analysis

In the first sentence, the writer uses the noun lead; later in the same sentence he uses the noun gap for (presumably) the same thing. (Elegant variation.)

Also, he confusingly switches from a singular lead to a plural gaps.

In the second sentence, the pronoun they could plausibly have any of four antecedents: girls, lead, schools, or gaps.

Also in the second sentence, it is not completely clear whether the verb increase means that the gap between the average girl and the average boy has widened.

In the third sentence, the writer adds another elegant variation, advantage. Now we have, within one brief paragraph, three words for the same thing.

Also in the third sentence, the singular subject, advantage, is followed by a plural verb, are.

The Takeaway: The New York Times, once legendarily fastidious, has become careless. If you want to read the Times as a way to improve your knowledge of English (many students and foreigners do this), I suggest you read only articles published before 1970. However, that usually requires fees, so I prefer to check pre-1970 books out of my local library at no cost, or download them from Project Gutenberg at no cost.

See disclaimer.

Grammatical parallelism, parallel structure, parallel construction, parallel form (6)

Grammatical parallelism is also called parallel structure, parallel construction, and parallel form. It is the use of equivalent syntax to array equivalent ideas. One place we occasionally violate parallelism is in a series of direct objects.

Example

“Chinua Achebe’s Things Fall Apart is a triumph of literature that everyone in the world should read. However, it may trigger readers who have experienced racism, colonialism, religious persecution, violence, suicide, and more.” (Source)

Analysis

The terms racism, colonialism, religious persecution, and violence all denote actions that (1) happen to a person and (2) are not necessarily fatal. The term suicide is non-parallel to those terms because it denotes an action that (1) a person does to himself and (2) is necessarily (by definition) fatal.

So, in the author’s unintentional non-parallelism, the reader senses an unintentional, macabre joke: the suicide, being dead, can neither read Mr. Achebe’s book nor suffer any emotional distress triggered by triggers in the book.

The Takeaway: When you write a series of direct objects, check to make sure they are all parallel. Correcting faulty parallelism is one of the quickest fixes you can make during a copy-edit. Parallelism helps make your copy easier to read. Your readers will notice and appreciate it.

See disclaimer.

Placement of modifiers (26)

Hubble Space Telescope

Careless placement of a modifier can make a sentence unclear.

Example

“Don’t buy anything new until you’ve considered whether or not you need it for 48 hours.” (Source)

The reader may, at first glance, think the phrase “for 48 hours” modifies the nearest verb, “need.” But then the reader recognizes that that meaning is unlikely, looks farther back in the sentence, and sees that “for 48 hours” more likely modifies the next-nearest verb, “considered.”

A clearer placement would be:

“Don’t buy anything new until you’ve considered for 48 hours whether or not you need it.” 

Example

“Astronomers from the University of Chicago have used the Hubble Space Telescope to observe the weather on a ‘super-Earth’ planet orbiting a distant star for the first time.” (Source) (A link in the original is omitted here.)

The reader may, at first glance, think the phrase “for the first time” modifies “orbiting.” But then the reader recognizes that that meaning is absurd, looks farther back in the sentence, and sees that “for the first time” more likely modifies “observe.”

A clearer placement would be:

“Astronomers from the University of Chicago have used the Hubble Space Telescope to observe, for the first time, the weather on a ‘super-Earth’ planet orbiting a distant star.”

Example

“President Barack Obama recently wrote an executive order that established a White House initiative on educational excellence for black Americans that will be housed in the Department of Education.” (Source)

The reader may, at first glance, think the phrase “that will be housed in the Department of Education” modifies “black Americans.” But then the reader recognizes that that meaning is absurd, looks farther back in the sentence, and sees that “that will be housed in the Department of Education” more likely modifies “initiative.”

A clearer placement would be:

“President Barack Obama recently wrote an executive order that established a White House initiative on educational excellence for black Americans. The initiative will be housed in the Department of Education.”

The Takeaway: Place every modifier as close as possible to what it modifies. Sloppy placement of modifiers forces your readers to guess what you mean. Yes, it’s true that the guessing usually takes only a second or two and usually is successful. However, you should not be forcing your readers to guess at all. If you force them to guess more than a few times, they may become irritated. They may assume you are inconsiderate or stupid or both. They may even become less willing to read anything with your name on it.*

___________________
*For example, when a writer keeps forcing me to guess, I never read him again unless he’s a paying client.

Thanks to Christa Sammons for spotting the second example.

See disclaimer.

A teacher corrects a student’s letter

Fox 2 News in St. Louis, Missouri, recently reported that a student wrote his English teacher a profane, semi-literate letter to say he wasn’t going to do any more work, and the teacher responded by correcting the letter. Here’s the story, the student’s letter, and the teacher’s markup.

The Takeaway: For his own sake, I hope the young letter-writer eventually overcomes his arrogance. During a long career working with hundreds of writers, I have noticed that arrogance is a greater obstacle than ignorance. Humble writers go far.

Thanks to Paul G. Henning for pointing out the story.

See disclaimer.

Grammatical parallelism, parallel structure, parallel construction, parallel form (5)

Grammatical parallelism is also called parallel structure, parallel construction, and parallel form. It is the use of equivalent syntax to array equivalent ideas. Parallelism makes writing easier to read; faulty parallelism makes writing harder to read.

An example of faulty parallelism

“In other words, the more English a given region, the less political and ideological flexibility one finds in that area among white voters.” (Source)

A suggested  rewrite

In other words, the more English a given region, the more inflexible (politically and ideologically) the white voters.

An example of faulty parallelism

“Get organized in ways that help you better use everything you still have. Organize your refrigerator like a supermarket. Organize your kitchen like a programmer. Organize your clothing by color, like in a clothing store, so it's easy to find what you're looking for.” (Source)

A suggested rewrite

Get organized in ways that help you better use everything you still have: Organize your refrigerator by category, your kitchen by function, and your clothing by color.

The Takeaway: Check your parallel constructions to make sure they really are parallel. This is one of the quickest fixes you can make during a copy-edit. Parallelism will make your copy easier to read. Your readers will notice and appreciate it.

See disclaimer.

Placement of modifiers (25)

Careless placement of a modifier can make a sentence unclear.

Example

“A truly unfortunate development is the compulsion to shop among young boys.” (Boldface added.) (Source)

At first the reader thinks that the phrase “among young boys” is an adverbial phrase modifying the nearest verb, “to shop” – meaning that someone (a pedophile?) wants to go shopping in a crowd of young-boy shoppers.

But then the reader sees a more likely interpretation: “among young boys” is an adjectival phrase modifying “compulsion.” The writer has written a confusing sentence. She should have written this:

A truly unfortunate development is the compulsion among young boys to shop.

Or, less awkwardly,

A truly unfortunate development is that young boys are becoming addicted to shopping.

Example

“Daniel Silva delivers another spectacular thriller starring Gabriel Allon, The English Girl.” (Boldface added.) (Source)*

At first the reader thinks that “The English Girl” is in apposition to “Gabriel Allon” – implying that Gabriel Allon is also known as “The English Girl.” This strikes the reader as unlikely.

But then the reader notices the italics and realizes that “The English Girl” is the title of the thriller. The writer should have written:

Daniel Silva delivers another spectacular thriller, The English Girl, starring Gabriel Allon.

Example

“May we include literature that helps guide our business in your shipment?” (Boldface added.) (Source: an on-line order form.)

At first the reader assumes that “in your shipment” is an adverbial phrase modifying the nearest verb, “guide.”

But then the reader sees that the phrase more likely modifies the verb “include.” The writer meant to write:

May we include in your shipment literature that helps guide our business?

The Takeaway: Place every modifier as close as possible to what it modifies. Sloppy placement of modifiers forces your readers to guess what you mean. Yes, it’s true that the guessing usually takes only a second or two and usually is successful. However, you should not be forcing your readers to guess at all. If you force them to guess more than a few times, they may become irritated. They may assume you are inconsiderate or stupid or both. They may even become less willing to read anything with your name on it.**

___________________
*Thanks to Paul. G. Henning for spotting this example.

**For example, when a writer keeps forcing me to guess, I never read him again unless he’s a paying client.

See disclaimer.

Don’t abuse the preposition “to” (4)

Kaiser Wilhelm II (left, saluting) and Tsar Nicholas II (right)

Don’t abuse the preposition to. In other words, don’t try to force it to do the work of other prepositions. Previously I posted examples (here) of this abuse. Here are more examples:

“The Limbic System is a part of the brain that developed with the caveman. In caveman days the world was a very different place to [sic for from] what it is now.” (Source)

“While there have always been self-described feminists who genuinely believe in the whole ‘equality’ thing, they have repeatedly been demonstrated to be dupes to [sic for of] the hatemongers who control the money and the public policy decisions.” (Source)

“Therefore, with regard to the hearty and tender friendship which binds us both from long ago with firm ties, I am exerting my utmost influence to induce the Austrians to deal straightly to arrive to [sic for at] a satisfactory understanding with you.” (Source: a July 28, 1914, telegram from Kaiser Wilhelm II of Germany to his cousin Tsar Nicholas II of Russia)

The Takeaway: Be precise with your prepositions.

See disclaimer.

Peter O'Toole, R.I.P.

The absence of a comma

Yesterday, while passing through the picturesque lakeside town of Center Harbor, New Hampshire, I stopped to read an historical marker (pictured). The marker commemorates Belknap College, a local institution.

Because of limited space, many historical markers raise questions that they don’t answer. For example, the Belknap College marker’s headline is

BELKNAP COLLEGE
1963-1974

which raises the awkward question of why the college lasted only 11 years. The text doesn’t answer it. Indeed, the text raises and fails to answer an additional question: How did the students and the locals get along?

While Degrees were earned, all who attended gained lifelong skills, enduring friendships and a fondness for Center Harbor and its residents who welcomed them.

Don’t you feel that a comma is missing after the word “residents”? You’re right. A comma in that place would mean the residents in general welcomed the students and the students in turn gained a fondness for the residents in general. The absence of that comma, if interpreted literally, means few residents welcomed the students, and the students in turn gained a fondness for those few residents only.

We may never learn the truth about who was fond of whom. But we can probably safely assume that the committee that composed the text did not consciously omit that comma; they omitted it unconsciously. For, if the committee had openly discussed that comma, they would have recognized that to omit it would be uncharitable. Everyone understands that the solemnity of a historical marker requires especially tactful and gracious language.

So when the literate visitor to Center Harbor stops to read that marker, he considers the committee members careless but not uncharitable.

The Takeaway: Be careful with your punctuation. A single mistake can embarrass you. And if you are ever responsible for text that will remain in the public eye for centuries, be especially alert – and ask a careful editor for help.

See disclaimer.

An embarrassing promo from Grammarly

I received a promotional email from a fellow at Grammarly. Here it is, with my reactions interspersed.

Hi Joe,

You know better than most that putting your writing “out there”

[Instead of “putting your writing ‘out there,’ ” why not use the more natural “publishing your writing”? Also, the cliche “out there” distracts the reader by introducing a tone of paranoia.]

takes a tremendous amount of courage; readers will find and comment on even the simplest mistakes. At Grammarly we know the feeling - and we’ve made it our mission to improve writers’ confidence.

[Not to tell you how to run your business, but wouldn’t it be better to make it your mission to improve writers’ writing? Excessive confidence is a major reason why one-third of Americans are illiterate; instead of teaching grammar, the grammar schools instill self-esteem (unwarranted, delusional confidence). It seems to me that a company called Grammarly should be the last entity in the world pandering to the delusion.]

Putting our money where our mouth is, we’d be honored to sponsor your next blog post with a $100 Amazon gift card.

[I don’t understand the logic of that sentence.]

In case you haven’t heard of us, Grammarly is an automated online proofreader that finds and explains those pesky

[I have never seen a grown man actually write the childish word pesky, except in jest.]

grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes that are bound to find their way into your first draft.

[Mistakes do not “find their way into” my first drafts; I make the mistakes. Your “find their way into” has the same tone of paranoia as your “out there,” as in “Ohhh, those mistakes are swarming out there like mosquitoes, just waiting for a chance to find their way into my office and my first draft.”]

Think of us as a second pair of digital eyes

[Where was the first pair of digital eyes? My eyes are human.]

that can spare you the cost of hiring a proofreader. If you'd like to join our 3 million users and try the premium version of our proofreader for free, let me know and I’ll make it happen!

[“Make it happen” is an annoying cliche. And please spare me the gratuitous exclamation point.]

Please send me the expected publishing date and topic of your next appropriate blog post (ideally something about writing) so I can give you all the details you need in time.

[No, thank you. I was already thinking of buying a subscription to Grammarly, which appears to be a useful tool. Even this embarrassing email won’t deter me; I’ll give the company the benefit of the doubt and assume that the employees who designed the product are more diligent than you.]

The Takeaway: Edit and proofread everything you intend to publish. Everything.

Disclaimer: I have no financial interest in Grammarly. Also see my general disclaimer.