Writing, logic and numbers (2)

In a recent post, I discussed the need to pay close attention to logic when writing about numbers, especially when comparing numbers. In that post I explained, with examples, how to say that one number is larger than another.

Today’s post looks in the opposite direction: how to say that one number is smaller than another.

Example

An article about the 2008 presidential campaign carried the headline, “McCain’s Crowd Disturbingly Small, Ten Times Less Than Planned For.”

In the text of the story we learn that the crowd consisted of about 1,000 people and that campaign organizers had expected ten times that number of people. In other words, 10,000 were planned for and 1,000 showed up.

Therefore the headline, in effect, says that 1,000 is “Ten Times Less Than” 10,000. But this is illogical. Consider:

One times 10,000 = 10,000.
Ten times 10,000 = 100,000.
Therefore, ten times less than 10,000 = 10,000 minus 100,000 = negative 90,000.

The idea of negative people is absurd. It would be correct to say:

McCain’s Crowd Disturbingly Small, One-Tenth the Size Planned For.

It would also be correct to say:

McCain’s Crowd Disturbingly Small, 0.90 Times Less Than Planned For.

But for numbers less than 1, most people are more comfortable with percentages. So:

McCain’s Crowd Disturbingly Small, 90% Less Than Planned for.

The Takeaway: When writing, always use logic and numbers carefully. Remember that the phrase times less than and the phrase less than are not interchangeable.

Avoiding redundancy (3)

In two previous posts (1), (2), about avoiding redundancy, I showed and edited real-world examples of redundancy. I explained why and how you should avoid redundancy.

Today I received a vague, rambling letter from Jon Butler (photo), Dean of the Graduate School of Arts and Sciences at Yale University. Dean Butler's letter contains a lot of redundancies; here is one:

“...shrinking funding sources have called into question our ability to sustain the forward progress of the sciences and social sciences.” (Boldface added.)

By definition, progress is forward movement.

The Takeaway: Remember, every redundancy impedes your reader. He has to stop for a few seconds and wonder, “Is this a redundancy? If not, why did the writer include this word?” The effect is cumulative; use enough redundancies and your copy will irritate all but the dullest readers. So, always try to avoid redundancy.

Avoiding redundancy (1)
Avoiding redundancy (2)

Writing, logic and numbers (1)

Pay close attention to logic when writing about numbers, especially when comparing numbers. For example, keep in mind the difference between the phrase as much as and the phrase more than.

Example

Imagine two boxes (A and B), full of office supplies. Imagine that you and I know that A weighs 12 pounds. If I say to you, “B weighs as much as A,” or “B is as heavy as A,” I mean B weighs 12 pounds.

If I say, “B weighs four times as much as A,” or “B is four times as heavy as A,” I mean B weighs 48 pounds. That is, B is equivalent to four A’s. (4A = 4x12 pounds = 48 pounds)

But if I say “B weighs four times more than A,” or “B is four times heavier than A,” I mean B weighs not 48 pounds, but 60 pounds. In other words, I mean that B is equivalent to four A’s plus A. (4A + A = 4x12 pounds + 12 pounds = 60 pounds).

Most people learn as much as, more than and other basic concepts of arithmetic in elementary school or even before elementary school. One learning method involves the manipulation of Cuisenaire rods (shown in picture above).

For example, if a pupil lays down three white rods in a line, and then one white rod and one red rod in a line parallel to the first line, and then one light-green rod parallel to the other two lines, he can easily perceive that 3 is 3 times as much as 1, and 2 times more than 1.

Journalists and PR people

Unfortunately, most journalists and PR people did not learn these concepts (or have forgotten them). They confuse as much as and more than. For example, a press release issued last Thursday begins with this headline:

“MEPs cost taxpayers five times more than UK MPs”

The second paragraph of the text contains the numbers behind the headline:

“Open Europe’s comparison finds that the European Parliament costs taxpayers a staggering £1.8 million for each MEP per year. This is in contrast to the House of Commons, which costs taxpayers £364,000 for each member….”

Now, £1.8 million divided by £364,000 is approximately 5. But this means five times as much as, not “five times more than.”

An article in the Mail Online gets the concepts right:

“[A study concluded that] women talk almost three times as much as men, with the average woman chalking up 20,000 words in a day – 13,000 more than the average man.”

If you subtract 13,000 from 20,000, you get 7,000 (the men’s rate); 20,000 is almost three times 7,000.

The Takeaway: When writing about numbers, mind your logic. For example, remember that as much as and more than are not interchangeable. Look at the numbers you are comparing and then select the correct phrase to express the comparison.

Placement of modifiers (5)

Clear writing requires, among many other things, the correct placement of modifiers. Incorrect modifier placement can confuse your readers. It can also introduce unintentional humor into your writing – making you look foolish.

Here’s an example, from today’s Wall Street Journal:

“Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell

“The [Supreme Court] turned down a challenge to the Pentagon policy forbidding gays and lesbians from serving openly in the military, granting a request by the Obama administration.”

The writer has placed the adverb “openly” immediately following the gerund “serving.” By placing it there, he indicates that “openly” modifies “serving.”

Therefore the writer is stating that the Pentagon allows gays and lesbians to serve in the military, but not to serve openly. That is, gays and lesbians must not do or say anything that could reveal or acknowledge that they are serving in the military.

One expects that this policy would be difficult to apply in practice:

“Hi, Mom. Hi, Dad.”

“Welcome home, Son. You look so healthy. How was basic training?”

“Mom, I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Basic training. You know. The Army.”

“Sorry.”

“We drove you to Fort Dix. Don’t you remember?”

“Just don’t ask me about this, OK?”

“You were so brave when you ‘came out to us.’ And you know we gave you our full support then, and we still do. Why are you afraid to talk about something as mundane as the Army?”

“I said, just drop it.”

The Takeaway: Respect your readers; place every modifier close to the word being modified. Your correct modifier placement will greatly increase the clarity of your writing. It will also help you avoid introducing unintentional humor.

Placement of modifiers (4)

The incorrect placement of modifiers is a frequent error in writing. Incorrect modifier placement can detract – either slightly or heavily, depending on the context – from the clarity of your writing. If you want to produce clear writing, you must use correct modifier placement. It’s fairly easy.

For example, incorrect modifier placement sometimes involves phrases that begin with As someone who. Here are two incorrect examples and one correct example.

INCORRECT: Misplaced Modifier (near the wrong noun or pronoun)

A contributor to an online forum writes:

“As someone who’s been writing professionally since 2002, you don’t have to tell me what a pain in the ass Microsoft autoeverything is... especially when you have to take your final copy and paste it into a publishing system that doesn’t understand all its ‘special’ characters. Sigh.”

The writer has incorrectly placed the modifying phrase, “As someone who’s been writing professionally since 2002,” immediately before the pronoun “you.” But the phrase actually refers to the writer, and therefore modifies “me.”

This kind of error is also called a misplaced modifier: the word (noun or pronoun) to be modified is included in the sentence but the modifier is placed closer to another word. This misplacement creates a false signal for the reader; the modifier appears to be modifying the wrong word. (Note also that in this case the writer increases the confusion by using “you” again in the same post, but in a different sense.)

The writer should have written something like this:

As someone who’s been writing professionally since 2002, I know what a pain …

INCORRECT: Dangling Modifier (no noun or pronoun)

On the web site of the British treasury, this comment appears:

“As someone who works in sheltered housing for young people with learning difficulties the effect of the closing of special school places particularly residential facilities seems to mean we are getting more referrals from Youth Offending Teams.”

The writer uses the modifying phrase, “As someone who works in sheltered housing for young people with learning difficulties,” but does not include in the sentence any word (noun or pronoun) that the phrase could plausibly modify.

This kind of error is also called a dangling modifier: the word to be modified is not included in the sentence, so the modifer is left “dangling.” A dangling modifier forces readers to guess what word should have been included in the sentence. In this case, most readers will guess that the word is I. The writer should have written something like this:

As someone who works in sheltered housing for young people with learning difficulties, I think that the effect …

CORRECT

On April 08, 2009, I received an email from Amazon.com that begins this way:

“Dear Amazon.com Customer,

“As someone who has purchased or rated books by Daniel Defoe, you might like to know that Sharpe's Sword: Richard Sharpe and the Salamanca Campaign, June and July 1812 is now available.”

The writer of the email has correctly placed the opening phrase, “As someone who has purchased or rated books by Daniel Defoe,” immediately before the pronoun (“you”) that the phrase modifies. The modifier is neither a misplaced modifier nor a dangling modifier. The sentence is quite clear.

The Takeaway: Respect your readers’ time and patience. Avoid misplaced modifiers and dangling modifiers. Place every modifier close to the word being modified. Your correct modifier placement will help readers move effortlessly forward through sentence after sentence. They will appreciate it (even if only unconsciously) and respect you for it. You will be recognized for your clear thinking.

Placement of modifiers (1)
Placement of modifiers (2)
Placement of modifiers (3)