Practical tips for writers (2) – Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

Here’s another list of practical tips for writers. It’s an essay by the great satirist Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. (pictured). The essay is titled “How to Write with Style.”* Not surprisingly, it is both practical and entertaining. A sample:

5. Sound like yourself

The writing style which is most natural for you is bound to echo the speech you heard when a child. English was the novelist Joseph Conrad’s third language, and much that seems piquant in his use of English was no doubt colored by his first language, which was Polish. And lucky indeed is the writer who has grown up in Ireland, for the English spoken there is so amusing and musical. I myself grew up in Indianapolis, where common speech sounds like a band saw cutting galvanized tin, and employs a vocabulary as unornamental as a monkey wrench…. [However,] I myself find that I trust my own writing most, and others seem to trust it most, too, when I sound most like a person from Indianapolis, which is what I am.

The Takeaway: Read and internalize Mr. Vonnegut’s essay, “How to Write with Style.”

*This essay has appeared many places during the last three decades. This appearance, in a 1980 advertisement for International Paper Company, is the earliest I have found.

Clear out the verbal clutter (2)

The last post was about verbal clutter in print. This post is about verbal clutter in speaking.

Here’s a brief description (289 words) of the what, why and how of verbal clutter in speaking: what the most common words and phrases are, why you should not use them, and how to stop using them. It’s an excerpt from Karen Cortell Reisman’s book,* The Naked Truth about Giving Great Speeches:

“… join the conversation by the water cooler, listen to a reality talk show, or talk to someone on the phone. In these various places, listen for the ‘you knows’, ‘likes’, ‘ums’, ‘ughs’, and the ‘and ums’. We are experiencing a verbal clutter epidemic. You may be saying ‘you know’ at the beginning and end of every phrase and you don’t even realize it! All of this clutter is diminishing your strength as a communicator.

“To decrease your ever-present clutter, you must first become aware of the problem. Listen to yourself talk. Put on your ‘demolish verbal clutter’ hat every time you open your mouth. Think verbal clarity, and then begin to talk. Make this an active, rather than a passive activity.

“FIX-IT IDEA: In place of verbal clutter, try adding a pause. Pauses are powerful. Your listeners will listen with keener ears when you’ve added some oral white space.

“Once you’ve succeeded in eradicating this clutter, you can promote yourself to my ‘advanced verbal clutter reduction’ program, which involves getting rid of overused words and phrases. How often do you say ‘basically’, ‘clearly’, ‘honestly’, ‘truly’, ‘I think’, ‘do you know what I mean?’, ‘the bottom line’, ‘am I making sense?’, and ‘at the end of the day’? Again, listen to yourself and monitor these words and other repetitive words/phrases/clichés.

“Why do you say ‘honestly’ and ‘truly’? These words don’t accentuate your point. In fact using these words may cause your listener to wonder if everything else you say is not honest and not truthful. Another huge pitfall is beginning each sentence with ‘I think’. Since the words are flowing out of your mouth we know they are your thoughts. Get rid of the ‘I thinks’, and you’ll gain credibility.” (Emphasis in original.)

The Takeaway: Verbal clutter distracts your listeners. It reduces clarity. It also reduces your persuasiveness and even your credibility. Take the advice of Karen Cortell Reisman: Listen to yourself talk and eradicate the verbal clutter.

*Via the Fall 2005 issue of her E-Zine, “Relatively Speaking.”

Clear out the verbal clutter

Verbal clutter confuses and irritates your readers. It is the main reason why people stop reading something you have written. If you become skillful at clearing out clutter, you will attract more readers and hold their attention longer.

Below I show you the title and first three paragraphs of a February 11 blog post about social media metrics. This example is loaded with three types of clutter: unnecessary information, redundancies and circumlocutions. In the example, I have color-coded the clutter: unnecessary, redundant and circumlocutory.

An Example of Verbal Clutter

“I hate to say this but PR people just don’t get metrics

“Well, that’s what I thought before I joined a PR firm and yes, I admit that I was wrong. My analytics background stems from managing multimillion dollar search campaigns; where one tenth of a percentage point made a difference in the performance of a campaign. Every dollar invested was tracked, measured and easily backed by a strong ROI. Transitioning into social media several years ago has brought an entirely new set of metrics to the table that I am still learning to this day.

“In the past, I have always reported into some sort of web marketing organization and due to the nature of my job, I have worked closely with internal PR teams on various projects. To be completely honest, I’ve always had this particular perception that PR metrics were soft. Although I never said anything out loud, I would consistently chuckle under my breath when I saw something like the following on a “what we are measuring” slide:

* Media Coverage
* Sentiment
* Impressions

“And now a new chapter emerges in my career and I find myself working for a PR firm, Edelman Digital. From a metrics perspective, I honestly thought that I would bring to the table significant metrics experience due to my “direct marketing” background. Boy was I wrong. I am probably the dumbest person in the room when it comes to measuring social media. I am surrounded by colleagues that not only understand metrics but are pristine in the way they can communicate those metrics to others and correlate them back to business value. I guess the key takeaways for me are – assuming is bad (very bad), stereotyping is bad (very bad) and I work for a pretty kick a$$ team and learn something new every day (yay for me).”

My Rewrite, Reducing the Verbal Clutter

I hate to say this but PR people just don’t get metrics

At least, that’s what I had thought before I joined a PR firm. Previously, I had managed multimillion-dollar search campaigns, where one tenth of a percentage point made a difference in performance. Every dollar invested was tracked and measured.

I had worked with internal PR teams and had thought PR metrics were soft. I would chuckle when I saw something like the following on a “what we are measuring” slide:

* Media Coverage
* Sentiment
* Impressions

Now I work for a PR firm: Edelman Digital. I thought I would bring to the table significant metrics experience from my “direct marketing” background. Boy was I wrong. I am probably the dumbest person in the room when it comes to measuring social media. I am surrounded by colleagues who not only understand metrics but communicate them to others and correlate them to business value. The takeaways for me are: assuming is bad; stereotyping is bad; I work for a pretty kick a$$ team and learn something new every day.

Original: 308 words
My Rewrite: 180 words
Reduction: 42 percent

The Takeaway: To attract readers and hold their attention longer, clear out the verbal clutter.

Grammar errors (1) – eight grammar errors in 104 words

Grammar errors seem to be more frequent every year – even in England, once a bastion of good grammar.

Example

For example, a March 19 article in the Mail Online quoted a statement from Assistant Chief Constable Gary Beautridge of the Kent Police. In only 104 words, Mr. Beautridge made eight grammar errors – plus three (possibly four) logic errors and one minor usage error.

The statement, which responded to officers’ complaints that “annoying PC-related nonsense” was being “shoved down [their] throats,” said:

“It is important that Kent Police recognises and values fundamental human rights and provides services that meet the changing and diverse needs of Kent's communities, visitors and our workforce.

“One of our core values is that we will treat everyone with fairness, respect and dignity.

“As such we need to ensure officers and staff have an understanding and awareness of some of the faiths and ethnicities found in Kent so that they can engage more sensitively with, and have more confidence in, the various cultural and faith backgrounds.

“In doing so it will help provide the most appropriate and professional services to those people.” (Boldface added to highlight errors.)

My Analysis

Grammar Errors #1, #2 and #3: “It is important that” should be followed by the subjunctive. Therefore, “recognises” should be “recognise,” “values” should be “value,” and “provides” should be “provide.”

Grammar Error #4: The pronoun “our” makes the series “communities, visitors and our workforce” a nonparallel construction. “[O]ur workforce” should be “police force.”

Minor Usage Error #1: “[T]hat we will treat everyone” is awkward. Normally we state core values by using infinitives without “to” (“Treat everyone”) or gerunds (“Treating everyone”).

Grammar Error #5: “As such” should not be used as a synonym for “therefore,” as it is here. See this post for the proper use of “as such.”

Logic Error #1: Mr. Beautridge states that “One of our core values is that we will treat everyone with fairness, respect and dignity,” but later states that the police force is going to “ensure officers and staff have an understanding and awareness of [only] some of the faiths and ethnicities…” (Boldface added.)

Logic Errors #2 and #3: One can engage with people, but not with backgrounds. One can have confidence in people, but not in backgrounds

Grammar Errors #6 and #7: The expression “doing so” is supposed to refer to a previously mentioned verb. The pronoun “it” is supposed to refer to a singular noun. But the verb and noun referred to here are unclear.

Grammar Error #8: ‘[T]hose people” has no clear antecedent. Mr. Beautridge probably meant “faiths” or “ethnicities” or “cultural and faith backgrounds.” If so, he has made one more logic error.

The Takeaway: When readers see frequent grammar or logic errors (in this example, more than one error per ten words), they assume that the speaker or writer is ill-educated, stupid, or irresponsible. Like it or not, people judge us by our grammar; our only protection is to try to get it right.

As you write, picture your reader

This is a simple, powerful technique: Picture your reader.

Before writing any important document, mentally review what you know about your target reader: age, sex, occupation, experience, title, knowledge, interests.

Then try to picture this person in your mind, as opposed to merely thinking, for example, “A single, male software developer, between 21 and 35, living in a metropolitan area in the United States; moving up in his profession; enjoys reading science fiction.” Go further and imagine how this man would look and dress. Give him a name.

Even better

Instead of imagining a person, acquire an actual picture of an actual person. The person can be someone you know or someone you merely know of; for example, if you are marketing a product, get a picture of a software developer who bought the product.

Look at this picture before you start writing, and say to yourself. “I am writing this to Jim.”

Even better

Tape the picture above your monitor. Or paste it into Outlook or set it up as wallpaper. As you write, occasionally glance at the picture. When in doubt about diction, tone, or level of detail, ask yourself, “What would Jim think of this (word, sentence, paragraph or idea)?”

If this technique is new to you, it may sound contrived. But be aware that many experienced writers use this technique to increase their empathy and focus their attention. Try it.

The Takeaway: It’s good to describe your target reader in words. It’s even better to imagine what he or she looks like. It’s best to get a real picture of a real person; keep this picture handy and glance at it occasionally as you write.