The periodic sentence (2)

To help make your writing clearer, limit your use of periodic sentences. A periodic sentence creates suspense by requiring the reader to take in and remember a long string of words before he reaches the end of the sentence and finally understands your point.

Suspense is occasionally useful; for example, to emphasize an important point or to maintain interest. However, if you overuse periodic sentences you may tire, irritate and even repel the reader.

In a previous post I discussed an example of the periodic sentence. In that example, the entire main clause (subject and predicate) came at the end of the sentence, following 39 words.

Here’s another example. It’s an excerpt from an article that appeared in The New York Times last Tuesday:

“Hundreds of economists who gathered [in San Francisco] for the annual meeting of the American Economic Association seemed to acknowledge that a profound shift had occurred.

“At their last annual meeting, ideas about using public spending as a way to get out of a recession or about government taking a role to enhance a market system were relegated to progressives.”

The second sentence is a periodic sentence. The subject, “ideas,” appears after only five words, but the predicate, “were relegated to progressives,” begins after 30 words.

So the reader must take in and remember 30 words before he arrives at the predicate. And it is more than a matter of remembering individual words: the reader must also make assumptions about the syntax and remember these assumptions until they prove true or false.

For example, he may assume that “their” in “At their last annual meeting” refers to “economists” or “the American Economic Association.” He may assume that “At their last annual meeting” is an adverbial phrase modifying something that he hasn’t encountered yet.

Then he sees “ideas” and assumes that it is the subject of the sentence. But he has to hold that thought for a long time, because “ideas” is immediately followed by a 24-word adjectival phrase, “about using public spending as a way to get out of a recession or about government taking a role to enhance a market system.” This adjectival phrase includes two gerunds (“using” and “taking”) and an infinitive (“to enhance”).

That’s a lot of syntax to take in, remember and analyze: an adverbial phrase, a (possible) subject, and a long adjectival phrase.

I would suggest this revision, or something close to it:

At the association’s last annual meeting, only progressives wanted to discuss ideas about using public spending as a way to get out of a recession or about government taking a role to enhance a market system.

This reduces the burden on the reader’s memory. It also removes the passive “were relegated” and its ambiguity.

The Takeaway: Periodic sentences should be used sparingly, if at all, in business writing, technical writing and most other non-fiction writing (speeches are a major exception). The more words the reader has to take in before he reaches the subject and predicate, the more likely he is to become confused – or give up and stop reading what you have written. It’s not clear writing if the reader doesn’t understand it. And it’s not useful writing if he stops reading it.

The periodic sentence (1)