The periodic sentence (4)

A periodic sentence is a sentence in which essential information comes late. In other words, the reader has to wait a long time before he can understand the sentence.

The opposite of a periodic sentence is a loose sentence, a sentence in which all essential information comes early. A loose sentence is what we tend to think of as a normal sentence.

Grammatically speaking, a periodic sentence is perfectly acceptable; however, it makes the reader work harder.

Example of a periodic sentence

Here’s an example of a periodic sentence:

“Because whether it’s fueled by economic privilege or simply a matter of choice, the rate at which Bay Area parents, regardless of ethnicity, send their children to private schools has historically been higher than most other places in the country, say researchers who have studied the issue.”

Analysis

The reader must read 40 words (up to the word “country”) before he understands the sentence.

The dependent clause “whether it’s fueled by economic privilege or simply a matter of choice” is gratuitous. Readers will assume that (unless otherwise specified) the study includes all Bay Area parents who chose private schools, regardless of their motives.

Similarly, the phrase “regardless of ethnicity” is gratuitous. Readers will assume that (unless otherwise specified) “Bay Area parents” includes all Bay Area parents of school-age children, regardless of the parents’ ethnicity.

Loose version

Here’s my suggested loose version:

Historically, a higher percentage of Bay Area parents have sent their children to private schools than have parents in most other places in the country, say researchers who have studied the issue.

In this version, the reader understands the sentence after only 25 words (up to the word “country”).

The Takeaway: Use periodic sentences sparingly, if at all, in business writing, technical writing and most other non-fiction writing. The more words the reader has to take in before understanding the sentence, the more likely he is to become confused.

See disclaimer.