“It has long been known” = I didn’t look up the original reference.
“A definite trend is evident” = These data are practically meaningless.
“While it has not been possible to provide definite answers to the questions” = An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published.
“Three of the samples were chosen for detailed study” = The other results didn’t make any sense.
“Typical results are shown” = This is the prettiest graph.
“These results will be in a subsequent report” = I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded.
“In my experience” = once.
“In case after case” = twice.
“In a series of cases” = thrice.
“It is believed that” = I think.
“It is generally believed that” = A couple of others think so, too.
“Correct within an order of magnitude” = Wrong.
“According to statistical analysis” = Rumor has it.
“A statistically oriented projection of the significance of these findings” = A wild guess.
“A careful analysis of obtainable data” = Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of pop.
“It is clear that much additional work will be required before a complete understanding of this phenomenon occurs” = I don’t understand it.
“After additional study by my colleagues” = They don’t understand it either.
“Thanks are due to Joe Blotz for assistance with the experiment and to Cindy Adams for valuable discussions” = Mr Blotz did the work and Ms Adams explained to me what it meant.
“A highly significant area for exploratory study” = A totally useless topic selected by my committee.
“It is hoped that this study will stimulate further investigation in this field” = I need more grant money to live off of.
The Takeaway: Have a great day.
See disclaimer.
Thanks to Paul G. Henning for pointing these out.
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