Mr. Clarity goofs off (3)

I just saw the 2013 results of the Lyttle Lytton Contest. In this contest, which is run by writer Adam Cadre, each entrant tries to “compose the opening sentence to the worst of all possible novels.”

The winning entry for 2013 was:

The men greeted each other, wearing various smiles on their faces.

And here’s one of the runners-up:

The stranger rode into town with eyes that said his sixgun would have stories to tell, if it spoke any language other than the guttural tongue of violence. 

And one more:

“This isn’t fair!”, wept Case, who had previously been the team captain but due to events yet to be described was not now.

There’s also a portion of the contest for non-original entries: quotations from news copy or advertising copy that could make hilariously bad openings of serious novels. For example:

Like Venice in Italy, Thailand’s magical Bangkok is built on a wide network of canals. So it should be no surprise that the art of the noodle is equally prized in each. ~Chicken Pad Thai page on saffronroadfood.com

The Takeaway: If you enjoy this sort of thing, read the 2013 results. They include not only the best entries but also Mr. Cadre’s witty comments about how he chose them.

See disclaimer.